The Imbuing

Art, Personal

“I am increasingly interested in creativity, craft, handiwork, trauma, joy, and the creation of Things. Where time goes when you are in a state of awe creating something. It starts to sound sloppy and overwrought when I describe it, and most disappointingly like “Flow” but it’s more than that. I just haven’t figured out how to express it yet.”

Spoke & Hub blog: Place & Shape

I’m just sharing a quick thought I had when reading a friend’s blog post because it connected with some ways I’m trying to think about art I can create and some specific projects I’m thinking about.

Where does time go when you’re in that creation state? I think it goes into what you’re working on. I probably mean that metaphorically. You’re imbuing your work with a snapshot of time that includes your emotions, thoughts, intentions. That’s why you just have to actually do your thing whatever it is: write, paint, make weird web page collages. It’s a reflection of you at that time.

When I’m really connecting with a song for example, I like to think to myself something like: I bet they were feeling very similar overall to how I feel right now. Their experiences as expressed in the lyrics may or may not be similar to why I feel the way I do, but we can connect on the emotions those experiences caused. Sorry dude, I know how that feels.

Maybe that work was just for you to express something to yourself in a clearer format than the dispersed thoughts and feelings in your body. Maybe you’re doing it in this format because you purposely want to connect with others who will understand. You may later come back to it and reshape it according to your new moods, but the old ones always survive in the layers and edits.

The meaning and feelings of a given piece of art, regardless of format, is what you put into it over all those sessions working on it. Or just that one moment.

I’ve come to accept that I’ll just always have a couple dozen open projects I want to work on. I iterate on each of them slowly. Sometimes it’s administrative work with no real spirit in it, but it’s prepping for the next time I do have something real to put in it. Other times I have too much of the real stuff and it bursts out in a complete work or sputters away because I don’t have the skill or bravery to get it all out.

And since this is just a thought I had and not like a real post about something I don’t even have to wrap that thought up. It’s just over now.

Pre-disappointment

Personal

I like to pre-disappoint 1I find it disappointing that disappoint has two p’s. myself just enough so that my potential distress will be within an acceptable range.

Like, that fancy pepper jack and roasted peanuts snack in the fridge sounds perfect right now; I’m so excited to eat it!

But remember! (stern)

It’s been there a while. It’s definitely over the “best by” date. And there’s a small chance it’s old enough you might not actually want it. Just be prepared. ok? :awkard_smiley:

Black Lives Matter

Personal

I’ve lost many friends and loved ones. I know what happens when you keep ignoring your losses and don’t try to deal with the pain; you may not be dead, but you’re sure as hell not living. It took me over a decade to finally figure that out. Now I’m slowly crawling out of my mourning-debt, and many other emotional debts, to finally start to come back to myself and my life.

This life matters, right now, you reading this, your life matters. Even if you believe in an after-life that’s free of pain and suffering, you matter now. I matter now. Black people matter now. Those dying from Covid-19 matter now. Those who will die from Covid-19 because we as a society care more about billionaire’s checkbooks matter.

When I ignored that my life matters for all those years it made me sick. When I ignored the importance of my loved ones to me by not mourning them it broke me.

The purpose of death is to remind us that this life matters.

Nineties Web Nostalgia

Personal

Back in the mid to late 90’s most of the information you could find about your favorite bands was spread across many sites made by fans. Very few bands had official websites and Wikipedia didn’t exist. So we all just stole content from each other and created our own sites with 95% identical content presented slightly differently. 1I loved how each site had slightly different versions of lyrics.

I created probably half a dozen Nirvana fan sites with all the usual accoutrements and was part of a community that would help each other learn how to make websites with patience and enthusiasm. I still remember before that community when I couldn’t figure out how to make my first Geocities site show up and some dude in the chat pulled a “duh, you have to name the front page index.html.” How was I suppose to know that!?

Blog year in review

Blog Meta, Personal

OK, you caught me… I’m just writing this so I can post something in December and have a more complete blogging year. Sometimes filler posts can be excellent because there are no expectations! Not this time. Sorry.

Anyway, I wanted to post something each month this year, which I didn’t quite accomplish, but I did post more than 12 times, so that kind of counts. My real goal was to be more open and sharing of myself with friends and loved ones and to scratch a little creative itch. I think I definitely succeeded at those goals despite having much more I wanted to do.